21/8/2015 – The Friday Session

This was a game of 2 halves!

12 members turned out = perfect for 6-a-side. Oranges started the game like greyhounds out of the traps and were all over the shirts like a rash. Their team consisted of Hall, Pearle, Butcher, Morris, Ludden and Betts – a formidable line-up, with Graham (Mr Cool) Hall, the orange goalkeeper quickly adopting a policy of ‘no-one will score past me tonight even if we’re here until midnight’ and Peter (the Wolf) Morris scenting blood in his nostrils with an early well taken goal from 2 yards outside the D.


Oranges moved the ball about quickly and the quality of the passing and movement off the ball was breath-taking, leaving the shirts chasing shadows. Jonathan (The Sniper) Butcher slotted in the second with one of his trademark precision strikes into the roof of the net (how does he do that?) Trevor (The Maestro) Pearle linked up the play, controlling the midfield like he was conducting an orchestra, supported by Simon (The Professor) Ludden, it wasn’t long before Roger (The Avenger) Betts hammered in a third. Half time, 3 – 0, game over. (NOT)

Enter a steely-eyed Lee (The Terminator) Ackroyd, with every one of the shirts players receiving his customary 1000 yard stare as they trudged disconsolately off the field, gasping for air and fumbling about in their bags for water and ibuprofen, trying desperately not to catch his menacing gaze. The shirts team consisting of Munden, Lennox, Phillips, Ackroyd, McMullen and Ballantyne, knew that if they ever wanted to see their loved ones again, things had better get better in the second half. In the first half they had given the ball away too easily, misplaced too many passes and not been clinical enough in front of goal. Things were about to change.

John (The Trooper) Ballantyne quickly set about the oranges midfield like a Jack Russell after a rabbit and Steve (Jaap Stam) Munden dribbling the ball out of defence even though his manager has said on multiple occasions “DON’T TRY TO DRIBBLE THE BALL OUT FROM THE BACK.” However, I must admit, he’s pretty good at it so I’m changing the rule, “Don’t try to dribble the ball out from the back, UNLESS YOUR NAME IS JAAP STAM !”


Shirts pulled one back with a well taken goal from Tony (The whippet) McMullen, a well struck shot from distance – the oranges were starting to tire and shirts sensed a come-back was on. Stand in keeper Ackroyd putting his body on the line time after time to demoralize the oranges attacks. James (The Assassin) Lennox disrupted the oranges counter attacks with his characteristic guerrilla warfare tactics. The ongoing battle continued between Ninja’s Betts and Phillips, and for once Trevor (The Joker) Phillips managed to pick his pocket and rifle in a rising shot with one his by now infamous ‘toe punts’, which he has developed after many hours of scientific research into the ‘dynamics of spherical objects when struck at a point on the surface’.



Another goal from Phillips late on secured the draw for the shirts – yes they had got out of jail tonight and despite a couple of late chances for oranges, knew that by the expression on the steely face of The Terminator, at least for this week, they were not in serious danger of spending the rest of their lives in an oxygen tent, eating their dinners through a straw.


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