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Page updated 29 May 2020

For your amusement in these difficult no-football times


CONSECUTIVE INITIALS


All the answers are two words with consecutive initials e.g.  Alan Bennett or Ella Fitzgerald


  1. Who shot Reeva Steenkamp through her bathroom door on Valentine’s Day 2013?
  2. Who had his ITV talk show cancelled in May 2019 because of a suicide due to a failed lie detector test?
  3. “The Simpsons” started their TV career in 1987 as part of a series of shorts on whose TV show?
  4. Who directed the 2000 film” Gladiator”?
  5. Which Italian opera singer went blind at 15 years old due to glaucoma?
  6. Who played the part of Sharon in the comedy series “ Birds of a Feather”?
  7. Which comic strip hero started life in 1934 and had Ming the Merciless as an enemy?
  8. Who narrated the TV series of “ Thomas the Tank Engine”, which started in October 1984?
  9. Who addressed the Allied Expedition Force on D-Day with the words, ”the eyes of the world are upon you”?
  10. According to the 1964 No.1 hit by the Animals, where was “The House of the Rising Sun”?
  11. Who designed Victoria Beckham’s wedding dress in July 1999?
  12. Who was the 1st person to play Robin Hood in a talking film in 1938?
  13. Who scored both England goals in the 1966 World Cup semi-final against Portugal?
  14. Which famous author used the pseudonym “Boz”?
  15. Which pop singer has a daughter called Bluebell Madonna, born in May 2006?
  16. Which actress was murdered by members of the Manson family in August 1969?
  17. Which Queen’s family home was Hever Castle in Kent?  
  18. Who won the 1988 Eurovision Song Contest for Switzerland, with the song ”Ne partez pas sans moi”?
  19. According to “ Forbes” magazine who is the world’s highest paid sportsman in 2019
  20. Which comedians real name is Leigh Francis?





CRYPTIC ANIMALS: Answers

Here is the last of the cryptic quizzes


  1. Female relative runs away –  ANTELOPE
  2. My French bird –  MONGOOSE
  3. Bouncer at a rodent’s nightclub –  DORMOUSE
  4. Does this help Barbie and Cindy to swim? –  DOLPHIN
  5. Part of ze-woman’s underwear?-  ZEBRA
  6. Bow-legged bird – BANDICOOT
  7. Device for cooling the face –  CHINCHILLA
  8. Write to the mistress of King Charles II - PENGUIN
  9. Tough English Queen –  LIZARD
  10. Wobbly swimmer –  JELLYFISH
  11. Apply pressure to a doorbell –  BUZZARD
  12. Royal approval on a letter –  SEAL
  13. A 20th Century film maker –  FOX
  14. Has a monopoly on all the countryside barriers –  HEDGEHOG
  15. The Queen’s throne was in this place – REINDEER
  16. A rise in temperature makes the day this – OTTER
  17. Saying Hello to Coronation Street’s Mrs Sharples – HYENA
  18. Just a feline! –  MEERKAT
  19. Railway terminus shock absorber is depressed –  BUFFALO
  20. Someone who makes insignias -  BADGER


DIARY OF A FIXTURES SECRETARY … WITH NO FIXTURES

(Week 9 – 22.05.20)


How are you all?  I am in regular contact with some of you and everyone seems to be coping reasonably well, if not exactly enjoying it!  


My rude comments to Uncle Albert Mundin and Elvis Ballantyne about their hair have come back to bite me on the bum. My hair now looks ridiculous and is waving uncontrollably.  I’m told that some women would pay a lot of money to put artificial waves in like my natural ones, but I hate it.  I look like Tintin, if anyone remembers that cartoon character. Sadly, only my hair matches the youthful Tintin; my body resembles another of my childhood favourites, The Fat Controller!


As is the way of things these days, I can’t get my hair cut but the dog can!  Where’s the justice in that?  I took her to the groomers last week and, after handing over a large sum of money, came away with a beautifully shorn dog.  I did offer the groomer an equal sum to cut my hair when no-one was looking but received a very curt, negative response with the comment, “I might catch something from you!”  I shall take my custom elsewhere in future.


In the interests of keeping fit so we’re ready for the long-awaited day when we can play football again, I sent Steve, an avid Ajax fan, a link to daily exercises suggested by individual players of that club.  He thanked me for my concern for his physical welfare but said that he had already developed the perfect regime for his particular needs.  It is the patented Mundin Sofa-Fridge-Sofa Workout, soon to be featured, I’m told, on a national TV breakfast show as an example to the nation.


It took him some considerable time to perfect. He had to work out the dynamics of each limb coordinating with the others to enable him to rise from a horizontal position, the optimum number of steps from sofa to fridge, the muscular stress applied to his right arm in the action of opening the fridge door and reaching for a bottle, the additional steps needed to return by the shortest route to the living room, the critical angle of descent onto the sofa, the bottle opening wrist-motion-technique, and to achieve the grand finale of the workout, the far-from-easy movement of bottle to mouth without spilling the beer whilst horizontal again.


It all sounded perfect, if a little tough, so I asked him if Mrs. M would make a video of him going through this splendid routine so I could replicate it.  Unfortunately, he said, she was too busy mowing the lawn, cutting the hedges, vacuuming, ironing, and cooking dinner.  He said he might ask later …


I have continued my cooking adventures with Duck à l’Orange, suitably enhanced by Brandy and Cointreau (I never miss an opportunity to use alcohol in cooking!), and Scones with a recipe from the Chief Pastry Chef on the Queen Mary.  (I felt a bit of a wimp when John said that he had been mixing concrete that day, as I’d only been mixing dough!)  The comments from wife and mother-in-law were that both the duck and the scones were very good, but I thought the latter could hole the great Queen Mary below the water-line were they to float down the Solent!  Seriously, I have enjoyed cooking during these strange times and spend a lot of time seeking out a recipe for each weekend.  It’s Eton Mess this Sunday!  There is a theme to these things though … too many calories, hence my earlier reference to The Fat Controller!  


Gardening duties are never-ending, of course!  The grass is growing like mad so there is regular mowing and then I have to water it which makes it grow even more.  It seems ridiculous ... one job creates another and round and round it goes!  An annual job which is one of the worst is the planting of the hanging baskets.  That doesn’t sound particularly taxing but there are nine of the bastards, with 17 plants in each!  Somehow, very early in my relationship with Mrs K, this job was allocated to me and so it has remained.  It’s a back, neck and hand-breaker. The end result is baskets which will look great, but my body crumpled on the grass unable to move.


And so to football … I watched a couple of Bundesliga matches last weekend, pleased to see 22 men chasing a ball around a field again.  There was, of course a bizarre atmosphere with no spectators and one could hear the players shouting at each other.  It reminded me of Matt on a Friday night although, on his own, he creates the same vocal volume as a Teutonic 22!   I do miss him, honestly!


Off the pitch, social distancing was observed fairly well with the masked substitutes sitting two metres apart looking like a gang about to rob the football club accounts office!  The coaching staff also wore masks but were less consistent with their distancing.  On the pitch, the players (no masks) produced some decent football, whilst only infrequently making an attempt to avoid contact.  Goal celebrations were carried out with none of the usual hugging and kissing, just the occasional fist touch.  I feel that what happened last weekend in Germany will pave the way for our Premier League restarting in late June.


Much lower down the ladder, Simon has been discussing things with Canterbury City and we will follow their lead in our resumption of training and playing matches.  Training with distancing will come first, I guess, and I am in regular contact with the lady at the University (she who is working from home in her chalet high in the French Alps!) awaiting news of when we can start using the pitch.  I’m sure that will come before being able to take advantage of the indoor changing and bar facilities.  We’ll keep in touch with Kent County Cricket Club, too.


That’s all this week, gentlemen.  As always, take care, keep fit and stay safe – I can’t wait to see you all and play again.


Jan


P.S.  I swear my hair has grown another inch whilst writing this!


  





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