Canterbury Walking Football
For your amusement in these difficult no-football times
All the answers are two words with consecutive initials e.g. Alan Bennett or Ella Fitzgerald
CRYPTIC ANIMALS: Answers
Here is the last of the cryptic quizzes
DIARY OF A FIXTURES SECRETARY … WITH NO FIXTURES
(Week 9 – 22.05.20)
How are you all? I am in regular contact with some of you and everyone seems to be coping reasonably well, if not exactly enjoying it!
My rude comments to Uncle Albert Mundin and Elvis Ballantyne about their hair have come back to bite me on the bum. My hair now looks ridiculous and is waving uncontrollably. I’m told that some women would pay a lot of money to put artificial waves in like my natural ones, but I hate it. I look like Tintin, if anyone remembers that cartoon character. Sadly, only my hair matches the youthful Tintin; my body resembles another of my childhood favourites, The Fat Controller!
As is the way of things these days, I can’t get my hair cut but the dog can! Where’s the justice in that? I took her to the groomers last week and, after handing over a large sum of money, came away with a beautifully shorn dog. I did offer the groomer an equal sum to cut my hair when no-one was looking but received a very curt, negative response with the comment, “I might catch something from you!” I shall take my custom elsewhere in future.
In the interests of keeping fit so we’re ready for the long-awaited day when we can play football again, I sent Steve, an avid Ajax fan, a link to daily exercises suggested by individual players of that club. He thanked me for my concern for his physical welfare but said that he had already developed the perfect regime for his particular needs. It is the patented Mundin Sofa-Fridge-Sofa Workout, soon to be featured, I’m told, on a national TV breakfast show as an example to the nation.
It took him some considerable time to perfect. He had to work out the dynamics of each limb coordinating with the others to enable him to rise from a horizontal position, the optimum number of steps from sofa to fridge, the muscular stress applied to his right arm in the action of opening the fridge door and reaching for a bottle, the additional steps needed to return by the shortest route to the living room, the critical angle of descent onto the sofa, the bottle opening wrist-motion-technique, and to achieve the grand finale of the workout, the far-from-easy movement of bottle to mouth without spilling the beer whilst horizontal again.
It all sounded perfect, if a little tough, so I asked him if Mrs. M would make a video of him going through this splendid routine so I could replicate it. Unfortunately, he said, she was too busy mowing the lawn, cutting the hedges, vacuuming, ironing, and cooking dinner. He said he might ask later …
I have continued my cooking adventures with Duck à l’Orange, suitably enhanced by Brandy and Cointreau (I never miss an opportunity to use alcohol in cooking!), and Scones with a recipe from the Chief Pastry Chef on the Queen Mary. (I felt a bit of a wimp when John said that he had been mixing concrete that day, as I’d only been mixing dough!) The comments from wife and mother-in-law were that both the duck and the scones were very good, but I thought the latter could hole the great Queen Mary below the water-line were they to float down the Solent! Seriously, I have enjoyed cooking during these strange times and spend a lot of time seeking out a recipe for each weekend. It’s Eton Mess this Sunday! There is a theme to these things though … too many calories, hence my earlier reference to The Fat Controller!
Gardening duties are never-ending, of course! The grass is growing like mad so there is regular mowing and then I have to water it which makes it grow even more. It seems ridiculous ... one job creates another and round and round it goes! An annual job which is one of the worst is the planting of the hanging baskets. That doesn’t sound particularly taxing but there are nine of the bastards, with 17 plants in each! Somehow, very early in my relationship with Mrs K, this job was allocated to me and so it has remained. It’s a back, neck and hand-breaker. The end result is baskets which will look great, but my body crumpled on the grass unable to move.
And so to football … I watched a couple of Bundesliga matches last weekend, pleased to see 22 men chasing a ball around a field again. There was, of course a bizarre atmosphere with no spectators and one could hear the players shouting at each other. It reminded me of Matt on a Friday night although, on his own, he creates the same vocal volume as a Teutonic 22! I do miss him, honestly!
Off the pitch, social distancing was observed fairly well with the masked substitutes sitting two metres apart looking like a gang about to rob the football club accounts office! The coaching staff also wore masks but were less consistent with their distancing. On the pitch, the players (no masks) produced some decent football, whilst only infrequently making an attempt to avoid contact. Goal celebrations were carried out with none of the usual hugging and kissing, just the occasional fist touch. I feel that what happened last weekend in Germany will pave the way for our Premier League restarting in late June.
Much lower down the ladder, Simon has been discussing things with Canterbury City and we will follow their lead in our resumption of training and playing matches. Training with distancing will come first, I guess, and I am in regular contact with the lady at the University (she who is working from home in her chalet high in the French Alps!) awaiting news of when we can start using the pitch. I’m sure that will come before being able to take advantage of the indoor changing and bar facilities. We’ll keep in touch with Kent County Cricket Club, too.
That’s all this week, gentlemen. As always, take care, keep fit and stay safe – I can’t wait to see you all and play again.
P.S. I swear my hair has grown another inch whilst writing this!
|Diary of a Fixtures Secretary Week 1|
|Diary of a Fixtures Secretary Week 2|
|Diary of a Fixtures Secretary Week 3|
|Diary of a Fixtures Secretary Week 5|
|Diary of a Fixtures Secretary Week 6|
|Diary of a Fixtures Secretary Week 7|
|Diary of a Fixtures Secretary Week 8|
|Dover vs Canterbury|