Squad: Tony McMullen, Steve Mundin, Jan Knott, Roger Betts, Jonathan Butcher, John Ballantyne, Trevor Phillips
Canterbury’s military wing took to the battlefield once again on Monday evening at the superb facilities at the Bay Point Sports Centre, Sandwich.
The gamesmanship started even before a ball was kicked when a Bay Point spy in the Canterbury dressing room revealed that a swarm of mosquitoes had landed in the vicinity and that unless we had taken the precaution of supplying all members with 50% Deet, they would be eaten alive as soon as they stepped out of doors. With typical aplomb, John (The General) Ballantyne pointed out that, “We’re in East Kent – not the f**kin’ Malayan jungle!”
Pre-kick off and the warm up descended into high farce as the Canterbury squad lined up no less than four times to have their picture taken by Chairman James (L’Assassino) Lennox, only to be informed on each occasion that there was ‘a player missing’. It turned out that Tony (The Whippet) McMullen had returned to the dressing room in an act of kindness to retrieve coach/striker/midfield/sweeper Phillips’s magic drinks container, the contents of which are a closely guarded secret. Suffice to say that the container proved to be made of a none corrosive metal, probably titanium, with a tightly sealed screw top 😉
Kick-off; both teams started fairly cautiously like 2 heavyweight boxers sizing each other up and throwing punches that missed by 3 yards. Then disaster – Bay City were one up with their only decent goal of the night – (the other 3 were gifts as the Canterbury squad had been into Wilko’s on Saturday and seen the display) The first half finished 3 – 0 to the home side.
It was clear that the Canterbury players were suffering from the big match occasion and were put off by a near capacity crowd of 11. We will need to simulate the ‘big match occasion’ at the Friday sessions – watch this space!
An outrageous example of gamesmanship once again became apparent as one of the Bay City players had “PHILLIPS” blazoned across the back of his shirt. Poor Roger (The Avenger) Betts became confused and kept passing the ball to him – a brilliant, if somewhat cruel deception, however, the same player was wearing the number “80” which clearly indicated that the Bay City coach had misread the league rules and obviously thought that the players were obliged to have their age printed on the back of their shirts for verification.
Halfway through the 2nd half Phillips was harshly penalised by the referee when, seeing a large wasp crawling up a Bay City player’s leg, proceeded to stamp on it to prevent the opponent becoming seriously harmed or even killed, knowing from previous studies that over 600 people are killed by wasp stings every year. If it hadn’t been for Phillips’ quick action we could well have had a fatality on our hands – thank god he was on hand.
The teams drew the 2nd half 1 – 1, making the overall score 4 – 1, still a little way to go before Canterbury are able to overturn sides as talented as Bay City ‘A’ and Folkestone – we are learning from them and one day we will be able to say,
Man of the match: Tony Newington (referee) – an outstanding performance.